New Year, New Reflections, New Challenges, New Joys

It’s February 14th 2023. No, this is not a Valentine’s day blog, but it is the first time since my last blog that I have had time to sit down to attempt putting my thoughts down onto paper. It’s been a while and I am back at it – full steam ahead.

This year, I hit the ground running and started 2023 off not feeling at all ready for the next 12 months. Due to personal reasons, I never really felt like I had that familiar and much-needed break at the end of the year. The one that left me feeling refreshed for a new year. 2022 ended off on a stressful high. 

Reflections of a Yoga Teacher in Cape Town

When I started the new year, I found myself reflecting and wondering “how am I going to do this? How am I going to strive ahead?” These questions were especially pertinent as I was already feeling low on energy. It’s a month and a bit later and I am still wondering the same thing. Unfortunately, 2023 has also started off on a particularly stressful high.

I always find the start of the year difficult. With a bit of reluctance to let go of that holiday glow (usually) and finding my way into a new routine – being a working mom, no year is the same as the last. Yet, it’s a month later and I have (of course) managed to get through the start of the year.

It’s a serious juggling act to get the lifts in, the lunches packed, the yoga teaching done, and making time for trainings and my own continued education, not to mention being present for my family as a mother and wife. My diary looks like a burst of color with each child having their own section, helping me make sure I do not forget anyone anywhere. I assure you; I do not manage it all on my own. Thank goodness for Uber and other important people who help me get it right. It takes a village!

My Yoga Studio in Cape Town is Back in Full Swing

Despite my relentless self-doubt and question, I somehow always manage to achieve what I need to, and a lot of the time I also get to achieve what I want to, something I am always extremely aware of and grateful for.

In the last month, I have managed to get my private yoga studio and online yoga classes back into full swing, thanks to all my amazing students who come back year on year. And, thankfully, the last few months have not been void of personal growth. Despite my overwhelming schedule, I have done a pregnancy yoga course, completed a 6-week inversion course with an international teacher, and I have just started my new beginner’s yoga series.

All the while, the kids’ diaries and extra murals are sorted and I have managed to not forget a child anywhere, although, I have once or twice arrived to collect when I did not have to. I promise I know what I’m doing! I have also had to promise myself to give myself more credit or, at the very least, not be so hard on myself. Life is tough, and it comes with some pretty full-on curve balls.

Navigating The World with an Autistic Child

I have also managed to keep 3 teen children alive and okay (although they probably disagree) in a millennium I cannot really understand or relate to. This is the hardest part of what I do. Parenting, I think for many of us, is the hardest part of what we do.

My oldest son is autistic, which comes with its own serving of stress. As the world becomes a more and more tricky place for him to navigate, it becomes harder for him to find his own sense of meaning. As a parent, bearing witness to this is something that no person or book can ever prepare you for. Not to mention how challenging it is to find the perfect way to support him along the way. Is it too much? Is it not enough? Today’s needs are different to yesterday’s. Who knows what tomorrow will look like?

Amidst all of this, I have to remember to take a moment to check in and ask myself “how do I feel?” And, if I’m honest, some days I am very tired and low on energy and some days I feel great and full of energy. But I also find myself at times thinking that I just need to get to April, and I will have a little time for R & R. A small guilty pleasure of mine – anxiously awaiting the school holiday so I can catch my breath.

But back to the start of the year, what were the steps I took to find the energy to get into the flow? I guess that’s part of being an adult, we cannot not do it. We often have to do it even if we really (really) don’t want to. But the important question then becomes “how do we preserve our very vital, very precious energy so that we can show up for ourselves and our family?” The truth is I am not always so good at this. I have a great deal of energy and drive. It is my make up. I am driven, A-type and very passionate about what I do (lucky me). Yet even I crash sometimes.  

Reframing Our Perspective

For me, it’s the way I frame it in my mind. Yes, it is hard, but I also know that I can do this (because I have done it before). I also know that it will not last forever. I know it’s cheesy, but this too shall pass. It always does.

Although I am not sure about these teen years – yikes! When do they end? I have heard for boys it can be way into their 20’s – double yikes! Either way, I love all three of my children, and I know that this is all part of the process. It’s how I choose to cope with it that will form my experience. And, since the start of 2023, I really have found myself having to focus on the way I talk to myself and the story I form in my own head. And a lot of deep breathing.

Has anyone watched “Limitless” on Disney? The first episode, I think is something we can all relate to: stress and how it impacts our life (because it does, whether we like it or not). What are the stories we tell ourselves and how do we reframe these stories to manage our stress better? It’s a little like Chris Hemsworth is leading a parallel life to mine. Or maybe not but the gist of the perceived stress is something many of us can relate to at times, some of us more than others. I am glad I did not have to fight fires or walk across skyscrapers to help me learn how to slow down my heart rate and control my thoughts. My yoga mat taught me these tools. Which is why I keep coming back to it.

The Importance of Being Present

What do I do when I find myself longing for April holidays? That’s always a hard one as it’s great to have things to look forward to and get excited about. But I am also a big believer of not wishing time away. Being present and here for all of it – the good and the bad – is what’s important. We really do forget. We are human after all.

My husband and I have been married for nearly 20 years and I have been looking back over some old photos of the kids from when they were little. At the time it felt so hard: 3 kids in 3 years. However, when I look back at the photos (and yes, I know photos are not a true representation of life, as we only photograph the good things) it doesn’t look as hard as I recall it feeling. Looking back, I realize it was filled with so much beauty the hundreds of photos are sentiment to this. The same thing applies to right now, and every struggle I have had in between. As hard as I perceive it to be at the time – I am sure in 20 years, when I am dealing with other things, I will look back and say “aaah, what a beautiful time that was”.

Whilst I sometimes find myself longing for that next little bit of down time, I am also working hard to be the owner of my current time. Right now. This moment.

The weekends have shifted gear and now I am choosing to spend my free time differently. I am trying to let go of that story that I have to spend every free moment working at home, on myself, or even on that one asana I have been trying to perfect. Instead, I am doing my best to get out there and go to the beach even if it is for an hour, swim in the sea, even if I turn red like a lobster (from the cold water, not the sun, go figure!). I am trying to squeeze in some downtime here and there, enjoy this fantastic city, and embrace the summer I feel I missed out on. I am trying to be present. Here and now.

Letting Go of Our Own Expectations

I have written a lot, but I guess what I am trying to say is that, surprise surprise - Yes! Yoga teachers and serious practitioners need to come back to the basics. We lose sight of what’s important, and that sense of being grounded. We sometimes wish and dream and wonder what a different life would look like, or slip into the illusion that others have it much easier than we do. And while this happens, we also miss out on the special moments that life has to offer us.

I am working hard on being present and not wishing time away. I am trying to get back those stolen little moments of time and do things a little differently. I am working on reframing the narrative in my mind. I am trying to remember that things are not always as hard as they seem. I am breathing every day and trying to stay present in it all. And reminding myself that on the balance of hands, I am okay, even if I feel a little frazzled some days.

To quote a wise soul and friend of mine “I am alive, healthy, and continue to ride the waves of this crazy thing called life”.